Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Oh I'm Visiting too! Um, I live here.

When I first moved to New York City, it was very important to me that I didn't give anyone the impression that I was a tourist.

So I walked really, really fast.

And I felt like a total bad ass about walking really, really fast.

I also had a special policy for celebrity sightings: pretend like I don't care. That meant not taking a picture with Edward Burns (drool), keeping my mouth shut as Ben freaking Stiller walked past me on the street and treating Ryan Gosling like every cute boy I've met since high school: mistaken eye contact, look of terror and retreat.

I have adapted. I walk much slower--at a normal pace. Last summer I even tried to avoid sweating by walking really,really slowly, but it didn't work.

Now, when I want to take pictures or I need to ask for direction I pretend that I am a tourist and hope that I don't give people the impression that I do live here.

Two days after New Years Eve, I'm lost in the West Village. It's Saturday morning and I'm meeting my girlfriends for my favorite meal of the week, brunch. And West 10th Street isn't where I thought it would be.

So I start looking for someone who looks like he or she lives in the area, but wouldn't be all pretentious and bitchy like the guys that work in the neighborhood boutiques and definitely do not live there, but desperately want to.

I reject a few people and then pick the guy with the headphones. He totally lives here. He looks friendly.

Me: "Hey, can you tell me where W. 10th is?"

He whips out a map. He totally does not live here and he's going to give me directions and I do live here and I should know where I'm going, but I don't! Stupid streets with names!

Guy: I'm visiting too!

Sable laughs.

Me: I live here....

Guy looks bewildered. Maybe he thinks I'm lying. Maybe he thinks I'm really stupid. Maybe he thinks that he is super cool and I am super drool.

But he is just nice and I get to enjoy my eggs served by a pretentious, bitchy server.