Wednesday, October 18, 2006

"Looks Like You Have a Boyfriend!"

Today I got felt up on the subway.

Ha. Actually, I got my knee rubbed. A lot. It was kind of weird, but I won’t lie, I enjoyed it. I can’t remember the last time somebody rubbed my knee.

The only knee rub incident I remember was when my highschool boyfriend rubbed my bare knee while his mom was sitting in the backseat. We were in a Jetta, she totally saw. When we picked her up from BWI, she insisted that I sit in the front, but when he reached over, I completely regreted that I wasn't more insistant that she sit in the front. I mean you can't yell, "Aah! What are you doing? Get off me!" like you are totally disgusted with her child. That doesn't make a good impression either—and this was, in fact, the first she met me. Mortifying.

Knee Rub I'll Never Forget #2 started out innocently enough. I noticed that he was interested in the colorful shopping bag sitting on my lap. He obviously wasn't shy and reached out to touch it.

He smiled. I smiled.

Usually I ignore strangers but I couldn't ignore him. He was pretty cute; I had noticed him from across the train before I even sat down next to him.

Then he touched my knee and I thought nothing of it, this is New York City and people are always bumping, smacking, running into each other, especially in the subway. But when he started to stroke my knee I really wasn't sure what to do.

I was expecting his mom to do something, but she seemed to be oblivious to the events unfolding under her nose, so I had to keep my cool. Knee Rub I'll Never Forget #2 was in front of another mom. My picture is going to be posted on a website with a headline that reads "Hussy," warning all moms to keep my super soft knees way from their sons.

A persistant flirter, he continued to smile and touch my knee or my bag. I'll admit I encouraged him with smiles and waves. When the 6 train reached my stop, I smiled, waved and said, "Goodbye!" But he frowned, looking pitiful and dejected, rejected and completely distraught.

While his mother never seemed to notice any of this, an older gentleman sitting across from us had. As I scooched out, he said to me, "Looks like you have a boyfriend!"

"I know!" I said, happy that someone used the words "you" and "boyfriend" in a single sentence that was directed at me.

Oh, did I mention that "he" was a baby?

Look me up in about 20 years, baby!


Blogger Johnny Substitute said...

Knee rubbing is the new first base.

6:13 PM  

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