Thursday, June 22, 2006

Freelance Swim Instructor

Meet Coach Bridget: the crazy, goofy clown, er, swim coach that will definitely teach your PRECIOUS child to swim WITHOUT drowning. She may be wacky. She may be silly. She may not be on time. But she WILL jump in the pool fully clothed (t-shirt, shorts, flip-flops, maybe sunglasses, hell, prescription glasses) JUST to entertain YOUR KID.

Coach Bridget specializes in teaching your child how to:
-swim with SPOONS (closed hands) and not FORKS (open fingers)
-dive, not jump, a la SUPERMAN style into the water
-touch with TWO HANDS, or not
-frog kick, "UP, OUT, aaaaaaaaand AROUND" (She can say it 7-times fast with a duct-taped mouth.)
-pick up stuff off the BOTTOM OF THE POOL

and most importantly,not really for swim team, but FOR LIFE...


Yes, she is a miracle worker, and in four half-hour sessions, YOUR KID, yes the very one that will not put his/her face in the water, WILL PUT HIS/HER FACE IN THE WATER for only $20 per session! Parents of New York, do not let this unique opportunity pass you by, it is already the second day of summer and your kid is a LOOOSER that CAN'T SWIM, yet.


I swear I'm not making this up. I rock at swim lessons. Just read the testimonials:

PK got his nickname because he was afraid to swim without a kickboard, "Patrick with a Kickboard." But Coach Bridget changed that. Now, he's "Patrick withOUT a Kickboard," still "PK."

Vivian wouldn't stick her face in the water until Coach Bridget showed her that if you pretend to blow your nose in the water, bubbles come out. Thanks to Coach Bridget, she wants to be a dolphin trainer when she grows up.

Christopher didn't like to put his face in the water. Coach Bridget tricked him to go under the buoys and then Christopher really hated Coach Bridget after that and wouldn't get in the water anymore. When he grows up, he plans to sue.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This site is one of the best I have ever seen, wish I had one like this.

7:02 PM  

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