Crappy (Literally) Things That Happened

A couple of weeks ago I decided I was psychic. I was sitting in McCarren Park in Brooklyn on a lovely Friday evening at the beginning of May. It was warm, not humid. People were playing softball and I was sitting at the edge of the park beyond Left Field. A gravel path separated the outfield and my patch of grass, but an inkling told me that a ball would coming flying my way and smack me in the head. Five minutes later this big dude is running towards me. "Heads Up!" I curled over covering my head in my hands, exposing my underwear to everyone sitting behind me. The dude rounded me like a slalom, trying to make the catch. "THUD!" I didn't get hit, but I was so close I could feel the dust.

Earlier in the week I had locked myself out of my apartment when my roommate wasn't in town. (Which really sucks at 11:30 pm on a Sunday night.) As I stepped through the door, unlocking it so I could get back in, I just knew I was going to lock myself out.

For about a week, I was pretty sure I was going to be hit by a cab, because I've imagined it thousands of times. It still might happen...

Anyways, Saturday afternoon I took Melina on a little tour of Central Park when something hit me on the shoulder. I turned right. I turned left. I did a little circle dance. And Oh My God! A bird DEFECATED on my shoulder! I must be psychic because my roommate and I had been discussing getting pooped on earlier in the week and coincidences just don't happen this regularly. Funny thing is that I was poo-ed on the moment I stepped out of the Central Park, which I believe if I conducted a study entitled, "Getting Pooped On in New York City," there would be a higher percentage of victims in Central Park than in anywhere else in Manhattan.

In closing I have to mention that my friend Annie was SMACKED IN THE FACE BY A SPARROW when she was walking on the street (in New York) the other day. This would only happen to Annie. SMACKED. In the FACE. By a SPARROW. A SPARROW!!!!